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I’d spent my whole life in stage-of-life groups with people like me—guys with similar interests and struggles. Those groups made connecting with other Christians easy, but this new group was a challenge. I felt I had little in common with the retired empty-nesters and college students in my living room. I struggled to ignore the chaos of the toddlers playing on the floor. And I had no clue how to counsel married couples.
The people in my small group watched movies I’d never heard of, inhabited various corners of social media, held opposing political views, and even had different ideas on how to live the Christian life. How was I going to lead this group, much less help them build friendships with each other across their diversity?
I was facing the big challenge of multigenerational groups: connection. Because we gravitate to people like us, diversity can feel uncomfortable. But if we stick with the tension of getting outside of our bubble, we can find the richness of the body of Christ in all of our unique gifts, experiences, and wisdom.
Every group is different, and leaders can try many strategies to help their group form good, lasting relationships. But, as the leader, you need a strategy to help people overcome feeling disconnected from other group members.
Leading a healthy small group is like gardening: we can prepare the soil and water the seeds but only God can make the seeds sprout and grow. You can’t force friendships, but you can create a place for them to grow.
Think about the times you have felt most welcome in someone else’s home—what did they do that made you feel comfortable and appreciated? You don’t have to throw a dinner party; sometimes people just need to be asked about their day. Find the person standing on their own and strike up a conversation with him or her. Or if there is a young mother in your group, think about setting aside a space for her infant to sleep or nurse. A little consideration can make everyone who visits your group to feel valued.
The people in your group have a wealth of experiences and wisdom—far beyond what you as a leader have on your own. Instead of worrying about what you need to teach, think about the questions you can ask the people in your group. What do you want to know about them? What insights do they have that would bless the rest of your group? What have they learned about God and his faithfulness
If you have a hard time thinking of good questions, that’s okay! Most RightNow Media Original series come with free study guides full of great questions so that you can worry less about preparing lessons and focus more on the people in your group.
Everyone is busy, and it can feel like a struggle to make it to small group every week. But if you want your members to share their lives with each other, you will need to spend time together outside of your small group meeting. Don’t make it too complicated—you could get coffee with one person in your group each week or coordinate group lunch after church on Sunday. The more casual interactions you have with people in your group, the faster you will build meaningful relationships with them.
Every church has different goals for their small groups, but we all share the same mission: to make disciples and build God’s kingdom on earth. And nothing brings a group together like working as a team. Talk to your group about the causes and groups of people God has called them to serve. What need can your group meet? If your group has little kids, consider partnering with a local non-profit that can be flexible in the way you serve and are open to family friendly projects. Or find a place to serve as a group in your local church—if you get stuck, ask your pastor or other group leaders for ideas.
No one wants the relationships in their group to remain shallow. Getting together week after week to talk about news, sports, or the weather is, quite frankly, boring. We want our groups to be hubs of deep community marked by friendships, support, guidance, prayer, and evangelism. But meaningful friendships don’t happen overnight. It can take months (or longer) for a group to feel like a community. Don’t get discouraged when relationships don’t progress as quickly as you would like. In time, God will weave people together in ways you had not imagined. Don’t give up.
The first few months of your small group will be the most challenging as people push through awkwardness and build friendships with one another. In my group, some of the most unexpected people—people who did not immediately click with one another—ended up best friends and were in each other’s weddings. They’ve built families alongside one another, leaning on each other’s wisdom and support.
If you’re a decision-maker at your organization, request a free consultation to find out how RightNow Media can equip and inspire your people.
Not a decision-maker?
Tell your pastor about RightNow Media instead.
But despite our best intentions to engage with God every day, many of us struggle to do so. According to The American Bible Society, 181 million Americans opened a Bible in 2021. Of those 181 million people . . .
If you have struggles, doubts, or fears when it comes to engaging with God’s Word, you are not alone. Millions of Christians desire to spend more time with God, but don’t know how.
So, how can we spend daily time with God when obstacles get in our way? To answer that question, we’ll start by digging into what God’s Word says about spending time with him.
Spending time with God isn’t just something we should do for him—it’s something he wants to do with us. We serve a personal, caring God who invites us to come to him for rest (Matthew 11:28–30).
If we approach God with a humble heart, we have freedom in the details of how we engage with him. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” God cares more about our heart posture than our method of relating to him.
Starting a new habit is overwhelming when we try to do it on our own. However, when we depend on God for help, we are empowered to change by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:1–2 encourages Christians to surrender to God’s renewing sanctification that will help us look more like him. We don’t need self-help; we need to depend on God for true transformation.
Let’s get practical about how we can spend time with God regularly in 2022. There will be some reflection prompts in the following section, so make sure you have somewhere to record your answers.
There’s a big difference between saying to yourself, “I’ll spend time with God at some point,” and “I will spend thirty minutes with God at [time] and [place].” The clearer your plan, the more likely you are to make it happen. Take a moment to write down your plan.
Proverbs 15:22 states, “Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.” One of the best tools we have for habit change is the accountability and support of one another. If you want to spend more time with God, it will be helpful to tell trusted friends so they can keep you accountable. Brainstorm a list of possible accountability partners and plan how you will stay accountable to them.
Think of the things you do every single day and ponder how you could integrate God’s Word into those pre-existing routines. For example, if you usually watch TV before bed, try putting your Bible on your bedside table and reading before you go to sleep. If you’re in the habit of listening to the news on your morning commute, try listening to worship music or a sermon. The options are endless. List three things you do every single day and brainstorm ways to invite Jesus into those routines.
Spending time with God doesn’t have to be a chore. You don’t have to do the same thing every day. Remember, God cares more about our heart posture than our method of relating to him. You can switch up your routine by listening to a Christian podcast or watching a Bible study video. RightNow Media has a vast library of biblical videos you can use as a starting point for your devotional time. These videos can help you better understand Scripture, live by biblical values, and learn to share your faith with others.
You can also browse our Men’s, Women’s, Youth, and Kids libraries to discover video content for everyone.
It takes time for habits to form and change, and the journey won’t be perfect. Instead of getting discouraged by your struggles and slip-ups, use them as opportunities to grow closer to God. Remember, he wants to spend time with you. Whether you’re reading the Bible, watching a RightNow Media video, or journaling your prayers to God, each interaction with him will sanctify you to think, act, and love more like Jesus.
It’s a trite but true saying, one we would follow closely with God’s warning in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” As church leaders, we know all about the need for Christian community. We preach it, write about it, can cite all the verses imploring and commanding Christians to engage in it . . . but few of us can escape the magnetic pull of isolation. No one is an island, but the calling to ministry often seems like a call to living alone.
Even when surrounded by staff, volunteers, and faithful church members, leaders can feel isolated. Our people don’t understand the weight of spiritual leadership. Our work is often minimized to “just getting coffee with people all day.” In addition, we have unique internal struggles that we don’t know how to deal with. We encourage people through their doubts, but don’t know where to turn with our own. We prepare sermons or lessons on confession and repentance while fearing that if we practiced what we preach, we would lose our jobs. And so, we hide, couch the truth behind Christian platitudes, and pretend to have it all together when the seams of our lives are tearing.
For a church leader, isolation can feel like the only way to make it when simply trying to stay afloat has led us to feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and unable to be ourselves. It may not be good, but it seems easier to be alone.
Let me tell you something you already know: the reason you are remaining in isolation—no matter your circumstance—is a demonic lie. Isolation will encourage your secret sins to grow, fertilize the roots of your pride, and hasten inevitable emotional and/or physical burnout. It may feel safe, but isolation will destroy you and your ministry.
Yes, you are in a unique position both professionally and spiritually, but the normal rules of Christian life apply to you in the exact same ways that they do to the people in the pews. More than that, God’s grace and love are equally available to you as they are to the greatest sinner in your Sunday service.
1. You need confession and repentance. Read James 5:13–16. What fears or concerns do you have with confessing and repenting of your sin within your church? What could you gain from turning away from your hidden sin?
2. You do not need to hide your flaws. Read 2 Corinthians 11:28–30 and 12:6–10. What strengths are you tempted to hide behind? What would it look like for you to “boast in your weakness”?
3. You need friends both in and outside of your church. Read Hebrews 3:12–13. In what ways does isolation encourage your sin? Who in and outside of your church could you meet with for regular encouragement and accountability?
You do not have to lead alone. There are countless opportunities for you to connect with other church leaders just like you.
1. Join thousands of pastors, church staff, and group leaders for RightNow Conference.
2. Connect with other pastors who use RightNow Media through the Church Leaders Facebook group. Discover weekly bonus content, best practices, and conversations with others in ministry.
3. Explore the Pastors library—it has great content for pastors and church leaders. Go through a study with other leaders or your staff to grow in Christ together.
The barriers keeping you from being fully known may feel insurmountable, but God is calling you into something far greater than your isolation could ever offer. Ministry can be a burden, but it is never meant to be carried alone. In Christ, you can look at your community and echo the words of David in Psalm 133:1, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
It’s easy to say we agree with the previous statement, but it’s harder to believe it. Many Christians start their workday and wonder if typing on a computer for the entire day is worth the trouble. Teachers struggle to see the value of the work they put into lesson plans, especially when their students do not listen. CEOs of Fortune 500 companies wonder if all the long hours in the office will fulfill their hopes and dreams. In every job sector, people love God but often do not know if God cares about their work.
Work can be challenging and stressful, but it does not have to feel meaningless. Since God cares about our work, we must look to him to understand why our work matters.
The first few pages of Scripture contain God’s perspective on creating the universe. One of the main topics that the first three chapters of Genesis address is work. In fact, over 60% of the verses in Genesis 1–3 say something about work. God labored for six days and then rested on the seventh. When God created humans, the first thing he told them to do was work (Genesis 1:26; 2:15).
Work has always been essential to God’s plan for the world and his people.
God also said all he created was good, which includes humanity and their work. But since the tragic introduction of sin into the world, recorded in Genesis 3, humanity has doubted the goodness of work.
Our labor had dignity before being distorted. So today, we need to see our work as a reflection of God’s goodness—the way God saw it in the beginning. We should not dread our nine to five or see it as a part of the Genesis 3 curse. When we do our jobs, we fulfill a part of our God-given purpose to create, cultivate, and care for the earth. God sees both the garbage truck driver and the astrophysicist and says their work is good.
Many may not know what a J bolt is, but there is a J bolt helping to secure the foundation of buildings all over the world. J bolts are small J-shaped pieces of metal used to secure concrete foundations and provide an anchor for building structures. They look small and insignificant, but they serve people in a major way every day.
Work is one of the J bolts of society. The jobs we do play an essential role in supporting and contributing to the economic and social foundations of our lives. Our work, like a J bolt, impacts people, even when our jobs might look or feel insignificant.
We can also see examples of how work serves people in the Bible. In Exodus 31:1–11, God chose people with specific skills to work with wood, metals, and cloth to provide the necessary tools for Israel’s daily worship. Because of their craftsmanship, God was glorified and God’s people had a place to worship God for generations.
The work we do plays a role in serving our world. Without it, many people would have unmet needs and miss out on the ways our job benefits society. We need godly businesspeople to ensure business transactions involve fairness and equality. We need plumbers to handle our sanitation issues before they become public health concerns. We need metalworkers to make J bolts so our buildings can stand firm. No matter what we do, our work matters because it serves others.
Christians can be tempted to think a vocation is only spiritual if it’s a ministry job. But being a pastor is not the only job that can impact the kingdom. The Great Commission from Matthew 28 tells us that God calls his people to go all over the world to share the good news of Jesus Christ. But if the church has any chance of reaching the world, pastors cannot be the only people who use their vocation as a platform for the gospel.
What better opportunity is there than going to work every day to share the Christian life with many who do not know Jesus? Colossians 4:3 encourages Christians to pray for “open doors” to spread the name of Christ. God can use us in our jobs to build his kingdom, whether we are a professional football player or a high school janitor.
When we look to God for why our work matters, we can see that our jobs have a God-given purpose. God created work and it is good. Our vocation can serve people and grow the kingdom of God. We can therefore approach our nine to five knowing that God cares about what we do and sees our work as significant—to him, his people, and the world.
Are you a business leader looking to invest in a personal care resource for your employees that can help them flourish in every area of life? RightNow Media @ Work, a library of on-demand video resources has a library of over 20,000 videos on topics from leadership and personal development to parenting and finances. Schedule a free demo today!
At RightNow Media, our goal is to provide churches and their members with access to a library curated with the latest teaching for men’s Bible studies from popular teachers, including series like Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman and 33 The Series from Authentic Manhood. Below are five video Bible studies that are perfect for your men’s group—and if you're looking for more ways to deepen your faith as a man of God, check out our men's Bible study roadmap and follow along throughout the year.
God has created men to have an incredible strength. But today’s culture has hijacked masculinity, distorting strength into passivity and abuse. In this five-part video Bible study, Joby Martin, pastor of The Church of Eleven22, invites men to embrace God’s definition of masculinity and step into his calling upon their lives.
Unpack what biblical manhood looks like and what it means to be a godly, courageous man in today’s world in this men’s video Bible series. Featuring teaching from Matt Chandler, Voddie Baucham, Tony Dungy and more, viewers will dig deeper into what it means to step up and live a courageous life.
Most of us have been on the receiving end of rejection, a broken dream, or heartbreak. And while this is not an easy space to go through, when we are grounded in the truth, we can endure the tough times. In this powerful series, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow passionately shares glimpses of his journey and what he’s learned along the way, building confidence in his identity in God, not the world.
Daily it’s getting more challenging to be a man. Our present culture is redefining manhood and confusing men in their pursuit of biblical manhood. Discover how to respond to today’s culture by rejecting passivity and investing in the eternal purpose found in Jesus. Let others see masculinity and manhood through the lens of Christ in your life with these seven characteristics and become a better man, husband, father, and leader.
In the church today, many men find themselves confused about what it actually means to be a man. Our culture does little to help. The result is a generation of men who struggle to embrace their responsibilities, roles, and the purpose for which God created them. In this series, Mark Batterson highlights seven virtues of manhood to offer clear insight into what it means to be a faithful man of God.
As the senior producer, Courtney Davis spent weeks scouting locations, double-checking equipment, planning car rentals and logistics, and scheduling her team to make sure everything went smoothly. “We brought extra people to make sure we could get everything shot. We had people at multiple locations ready to go so Bob could get the shot and move on. We normally have more time—a couple of days at least—so we were ready for the shoot to be stressful.”
When our video team spoke about their time with Bob, they didn’t talk about the logistics of a one-day shoot, the California traffic, or catching connecting flights. Instead, they told stories about Bob’s cars (every car in Love In Chaos is one of Bob’s) and how four sailors, all of whom were also named Bob, taught Bob Goff to raise the sails on a pirate ship. Then, how the ship’s owner had to stop Goff from climbing the ship’s mast.
A difficult day became fun. But Bob was more than an energetic person; he wanted to get to know the people he was working with.
“Bob was so kind, so engaged—the Bob you meet in his books is who he really is,” Courtney said.
“He wanted to take pictures with us! We’re usually the ones asking to take pictures at the end of a shoot.”
We are so used to being wary of strangers or assuming the worst of people online that encountering someone like Bob—someone who genuinely cares for the people around him—is refreshing, life-giving, and makes us wonder, “What’s different about you?” There is something irresistible about a person who loves Jesus in today’s world.
What if we, like Bob, made a point to let everyone around us know that we care about them, even those we disagree with? What if we swapped the division of our culture for the love of Jesus? That’s what Love In Chaos is all about.
What our production team captured in San Diego became a series that will exhort and encourage Christians to get out of their comfort zones for the sake of the gospel. “We’re so used to getting on social media and just seeing a lot of arguing,” Courtney said.
“But Bob encourages us in this series to actively care for the people around us. Jesus calls us to love people who are hurting, and I hope this series helps us do that more.”
When asked about how long the shoot day was, Courtney laughed. “We actually wrapped an hour early, which never happens.”
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and underequipped as a church leader, you’re not alone. With the influence of social media, changing cultural dynamics, and the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, today’s pastors face unique challenges. According to recent studies, today’s pastors are struggling with everything from time management to trusting God. Lifeway Research spoke with more than 1,000 pastors about their greatest needs; five were most commonly mentioned:
At RightNow Media, our core value is “The mission of the church matters.” We are here to pray for, equip, and encourage church leaders in their ministry because healthy leaders are crucial to building healthy churches.
As a busy pastor, it can be hard to find time to equip your leaders and volunteers. While digital training can’t replace in-person experiences, it is an effective tool to develop your leaders outside of face-to-face trainings. RightNow Media has a library full of Interactive Training Content you can assign to your leaders to complete when it's convenient for them. Or, click here to learn how you can create your own Interactive Content.
The following blog post will help you learn about some of the fears and doubts your leaders and volunteers may be experiencing. You can share this article with your team to encourage them!
Jesus clearly calls us to “go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19–20). But outreach ministry can take a backseat when we feel too busy with what’s going on inside the walls of our church.
Even if you don’t have a designated external outreach ministry, you can still foster connections with unchurched people. Read this blog post for practical ways you can begin to bridge the gap between your congregation and the unchurched.
We all want our churches to thrive, but many of our congregations struggle with attendance, recruiting volunteers, and keeping members engaged. There may be moments when you feel like one of the only people committed to the mission of your church. But no matter how you feel, God’s promises are true and he promises to never leave you or abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Read this blog post for an encouraging word on staying committed to the church even when you sense apathy in your congregation.
With the many responsibilities of shepherding others, pastors can unintentionally put their personal relationship with God on the backburner. In our desire to be self-sufficient, we often forget that we have a Father who hears our prayers and loves when we talk to him.
Reignite your passion for prayer with this practical blog post all about the gift of talking with your heavenly Father.
While church leaders often preach the need for Christian community, the perceived safety and comfort of isolation can tempt tired pastors. While it can be difficult to find people who understand the unique weight of spiritual leadership, community is worth pursuing for pastors in every stage of their ministry.
Set aside a few moments for self-reflection and to answer the questions in this blog post written specifically to pastors. Then, consider the opportunities in your life to connect with other church leaders.
It’s a challenging time to be a pastor, but current circumstances don’t nullify God’s promises. Listen to what God says through the prophet Isaiah:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you. (Isaiah 43:1–2)
No matter what difficulties you face as a church leader, God’s love for you is unwavering. His plans for you are good. His divine power has given you everything you need for a godly life (2 Peter 1:3).
It’s where large sanctuaries and gathering spaces shrink to the size of living rooms, dining rooms, and back porches; where doctrines and theological abstractions become concrete; and where the “one anothers” that mark the life of the church—“love one another” (John 13:34), “welcome one another” (Rom. 15:7), “live in harmony with one another” (Rom. 12:16), etc.—aren’t just recited but practiced.
But front line ministry isn’t easy. Small groups are among the most demanding ministries in our churches and can be challenging, draining, and rote—especially for group leaders. What can leaders do when their group runs into a dry patch?
Compared to the rest of the year, summer is a time when most people retreat from work or school, go on vacation, and relax. But the weeks and months leading up to summertime? Busy. Overscheduled. Frantic. And like it or not, regular small group meetings can add to the overwhelm we and our group members might feel.
One strategy group leaders can adopt to avoid the stress is to implement a “spring break.” Scheduling a planned break or two during busy parts of the year can help group members catch their breath and rest. And sometimes, rest is the most spiritual thing we can do.
Some of our fondest, most vivid memories have occurred around a table. The table is a place of belonging, and what happens there—the stories, the laughter, the prayers, the food—is often as formative as anything we do in our small groups.
If you find that your group has lost some of its “oomph,” consider breaking from your normal routine to break bread together. Engage in table fellowship. Prepare a meal together. Sit around a table together. Give thanks. Bless one another. Remember the Lord’s faithfulness together. Through the food and the fellowship, “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8).
In small groups, it’s natural to become an insular community. The time we spend praying, studying, weeping, celebrating, and singing with one another binds us together and forms us into our own little enclave. And that’s good! But if we aren’t careful, we can lose touch with what’s going on outside the walls of our meetings.
One thing you can do to keep your group energized and engaged is to serve your neighborhood or community together, either through your church or a local ministry. Service can be a great opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus for your neighbors outside the group.
When a group’s Bible study becomes dull or flat, it can be frustrating and distressing. But it happens even in the best, most vibrant groups—especially if you’ve been together for a while. So, what do you do when your group’s study feels rote?
Reading books together is a great way to introduce change while still exercising your group’s “study muscles.” Discuss with your group what book would be best. It could be non-fiction or fiction (I’m a big believer in the formative power of fiction), whichever best suits your group.
Have you ever tried your hand at spiritual disciplines like silence and solitude, fasting, meditating on Scripture, or observing the sabbath? These “disciplines” (and others) have a way of heightening our awareness of God’s presence with us and his grace toward us. Practicing them in community can give our faith the jolt it needs.
What could it look like for your group to engage in a spiritual discipline together? To what extent might fasting or memorizing Scripture together provide a needed change? Consider pitching the idea to your group the next time you gather.
For many of us, small-group ministry is the lifeblood of the church. It’s where we go to experience fellowship and accountability, be ministered to, confess our sins, bless and be blessed, and receive prayer. Yet as rich as our experience with small groups can be, it can also become overly routine and even stale—at the fault of no one. Ministry is just plain hard sometimes. But there are steps we can take to keep our group environments fresh and provide a vibrant, formative space for the Spirit to work on us and our group members as we gather each week.
At RightNow Media, our goal is to provide churches and student ministries with access to a library curated with the latest teaching for youth Bible studies from premier teachers. Including series like Not A Fan: Teen Edition by Kyle Idleman and a number of RightNow Media Originals, we have thousands of options for your Bible study. Here are five video Bible studies that are perfect for your youth group or student ministry—plus check out our youth Bible study roadmap to make curriculum planning a breeze.
Christians today face all kinds of challenges when it comes to understanding who they are and what they’re meant to do. There’s no shortage of options that claim to offer “truth.” If we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves chasing after popular opinion all the while neglecting the unchanging truth found in Scripture. In this four-session youth Bible study, pastor and author Francis Chan invites students into the power that comes from anchoring their identity in Christ.
Today’s world tells teens to walk around life with a mirror in front of their face. They question their looks, persona, and acceptance nonstop, thinking that one more post on social media might gain people’s attention. But God offers an alternative mirror. When God rules over our lives, he flips everything upside down. In this youth Bible study, Jonathan Evans will walk students through the parables in Luke to teach what it looks like for God to rule our lives.
Teenagers often feel trapped. They’re stuck in the same habits, depression sets in, and they wonder about their purpose. The lie that nothing will ever change pulls teenagers deeper into the rut. But Jesus offers us a way out. In this four-part youth Bible study, Nick Hall talks to students about how a relationship with Jesus changes everything—our identity, relationships, habits, and mission.
Have you ever felt stuck? Sometimes life feels rigid—as if nothing could ever really change. Maybe we’re afraid of taking a step of faith. Or maybe we’re too injured from the past to move forward. No matter where you find yourself, you can make the most of today. In this inspirational series, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow shares stories from his life to illustrate what it means to seize each day for God’s glory.
What do you want to be when you grow up? It was an easy question to answer when they were little, but life gets complicated for teen girls. When they get stuck in drama, discontentment, sadness, and shame, how can they even begin to look ahead to the future? In this four-part Bible study, Jennie Allen, founder of IF:Gathering, inspires teen girls to throw off everything that holds them back and be energized by God’s dream for them. Dreaming big starts now.
As teenagers and young adults, my peers and I were often encouraged to think ahead regarding what sort of qualities we wanted in a future spouse.
Loves Jesus Check.
Handsome/Pretty Wowza.
Funny LOL.
Smart Brilliant.
Rich Has potential.
Similar interests Amazingly, he/she loves all my favorite activities!
The List had levels, of course. Spiritual qualities ranked above physical attributes (or did they?), followed by all things we would have in common, along with more “mature” characteristics that would enable us to succeed in life. Our lists hid inside journals or got lost in computer files. Some of us tried to forget them entirely.
Eventually, my friends and I graduated from mere daydreaming and began experiencing the adult dating life, for better or worse. The older we got, the more we evaluated acquaintances and dates as potential spouses. And for those of us who married, we finally got to see how our idealism matched up with reality.
When I realized my dating relationship had some serious potential, I thought back to The List I’d made. He was good looking, loved Jesus (see that order?), smart, had so much in common with me . . . He checked a lot of the boxes. But so had a couple of other guys I’d previously dated. Surely there was something I’d missed.
I turned to a friend with over a decade of marriage experience. “What do I look for? How do I know?”
Among many important characteristics, she told me, don’t neglect one basic quality:
“Is he kind?”
She elaborated: “How does he treat his mother? What little things do you notice about how he acts around other people, including you? Do you see arrogance or gentleness, selfishness or a servant’s heart? When you mess up, how does he react?” Not a concept I’d considered for The List, but she had a point.
Sometimes people misunderstand kindness, thinking of it as somehow weak. But God himself is described as kind, shown in his sending of Jesus. The apostle Paul warned those who would reject Christ: “Do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). God wants us to trust his Son. In Jesus, he shows how eager he is for us to turn toward him, the one who offers new life.
Jesus was often motivated by compassion for the hurting and confused. His hands healed blind eyes and deaf ears, his eyes overflowed in empathetic grief, his teaching brought life to dead hearts. And through the thorns and scourging and nails borne on Calvary, “the kindness of God our Savior and his love for mankind appeared—he saved us . . .” (Titus 3:4–5). The cross was kindness in action.
When we give ourselves to Christ, he gives himself to us through the Spirit. We begin to reflect God’s values in our relationships with others. Paul tells us that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
There it is—kindness. Not weak or submissive, but strong and active. Kind people serve others, sometimes at great cost to themselves. Kind spouses put each other first, seeking ways to empower, uplift, energize, and equip the one they committed their lives to.
Kindness is love in action. Healthy relationships simmer like soup on low heat: tiny bubbles of kind acts, some behind the scenes, enrich the flavor and warmth of the relationship. The little things count. No grandiose acts required. Rather, kindness can look like the smallest gesture:
A steaming cup of coffee waiting on the kitchen counter.
A text checking in to see how your appointment went.
Asking a follow-up question after you’ve shared a difficult moment from your day.
An apology for forgetting to do whatever you asked them to help with.
Praising your latest accomplishment to their colleagues.
What does kindness from your spouse look like to you? Don’t be surprised if you have to stop for a few moments to think—not because your spouse isn’t kind, but because often we don’t recognize and acknowledge our spouse’s little acts of love. Once you start noticing, find ways to communicate your appreciation and gratitude.
What kindness have you offered your spouse today? In the days to come, make them feel seen and cared for with small and big gestures. Be intentional in putting him or her first in ways you haven’t considered in the past.
Notice the examples of small kindnesses listed above can apply to any relationship, not just a marriage. All friendships thrive on kindness. How can you show it to your friends, roommates, colleagues, and neighbors?
If you’ve written The List in your mind, on paper, or via your online dating profile, double-check your priorities. My friend’s advice clinched it for me, and I’ve been reaping the benefits for over twenty-five years.
Maybe your schedule loosens with the close of the school year, or you find yourself stressing out for what should be fun vacations. Whether summer brings deeper rest or unrest, the change in season invites us to consider engaging—or re-engaging—in spiritual practices.
Spiritual practices—also known as spiritual disciplines—mark the lives of followers of Jesus and sustain our relationship with God. Just as regular phone calls or eating dinner with loved ones build our relationship with them, spiritual disciplines strengthen our relationship with God.
Regardless of where you find yourself—stressed or relaxed—here are four spiritual practices to aid your relationship with God this summer:
Writing on prayer in Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster said, “Of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer is the most central because it ushers us into perpetual communion with the Father.” Prayer is how we talk with God. We see Jesus model prayer for us in the gospels (Luke 11:1–4) and are directed to continually pray by the apostle Paul (1 Thess. 5:17). Without prayer—much like without consistent communication with a friend or loved one—our relationship with God is distant and apathetic.
Prayer encompasses many postures: praise—expressing joy to God; thanksgiving—showing gratitude for God’s gifts and provision; confession—acknowledging our sin before God; lament—bringing our grief to God; and petition/intercession—asking God for forgiveness or to act on someone else’s behalf.
Exercise: Fixed Hour Prayer
Early Christians prayed at specific times of day to establish a rhythm of talking to God. Set a time to pray each day through the rest of the summer.
For more on prayer, visit The Prayer Practice by Practicing the Way in the RightNow Media library.
Keeping the sabbath might be the most disruptive spiritual practice in our modern age. In the Old Testament, the sabbath was the day set aside for all people to stop working and worship God. To be part of the people of God back then meant you practiced sabbath. Now, followers of Jesus are not obligated to keep the sabbath (Col. 2:16), but the principle of following God’s model of rest in Genesis 2:1–3 is woven into the very fabric of creation. Regularly practicing worshipful rest can be good for you even if it’s not required of you.
Because we live in a fast-paced, achievement-oriented culture, purposefully withdrawing from all work—not just our employment—for a set time to stop, rest, delight, and worship may be exactly what your soul longs for this summer.
Exercise: Mini-Sabbath
Setting aside an entire day to rest and enjoy God may be intimidating. Start with a small amount of time—a weekday afternoon or a Saturday morning—where you remove distractions and engage in activities that deepen your joy in God and relationships with others.
For more on the sabbath, visit The Sabbath Practice by Practicing the Way in the RightNow Media library.
In Matthew 6, Jesus assumes his followers will fast when he warns us about practicing our “righteousness in front of others” (v. 1) when we give to the poor (vv. 2–4), when we pray (vv. 5–15), and when we fast (vv. 16–18).
At its core, fasting is choosing to go without something you want or need to make room for something you want or need even more. Perhaps you choose to go without food to make room in your heart to hear God or to give the money or food you would have used to sustain your own body to sustain someone else.
Exercise: Fast with a Friend
Fasting has the potential for good, but also misuse. Because of the dangers of treating fasting like dieting or taking your heart to an unhealthy place with food, ask someone you trust if fasting is a good spiritual discipline for you to try. If they agree, invite them to walk with you as you start this practice. Consider skipping lunch once a week and spending the time you would have been eating to pray with your friend.
For more on fasting, watch The Fasting Practice by Practicing the Way in the RightNow Media library.
Solitude can be refreshing for some and a struggle for others. But Jesus demonstrated the need to spend time alone throughout his life—withdrawing to the desert to start his ministry (Matt. 4:1), retreating after a busy day of ministering (Mark 1:35), and before making monumental decisions (Luke 6:12–16). Just as Jesus needed space to hear from the Father, we need solitude to turn down the noise of our busy lives and focus on God. It may sound counter-intuitive, but the goal of solitude is not to be alone—rather solitude frees us from noise to be with God.
Exercise: Find Your Place
While we can make space to be alone with God anywhere, it can be helpful to have a designated space to retreat and sit with God. It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy—maybe it’s your back porch, your kitchen table, or at a local park. The goal is to go to this place consistently and avoid distractions to focus your attention on God. Determine where that place is and use it for holy solitude this summer.
For more on the practice of solitude, check out The Solitude Practice by Practicing the Way in the RightNow Media library.
